Appropriate Fear

Fear is not something I feel very often.  I feel it, but more as a form of anxiety that discourages me from doing something, yet never stops me.  I am two weeks away from leaving for Johannesburg, South Africa. My project there is to provide asset mapping while measuring capacity of the programs that my organization, Paballo ya Batho, is currently executing to meet the needs of the homeless community.

With the rise of refugees entering the city of Johannesburg from Zimbabwe over the last twelve years, Paballo ya Batho has had to spread already limited resources among a much larger group of homeless people.  The increased demand on resources did not allow for any strategic thought on how to handle this rise of need.  In 2006, with the help of local lawyers, Central Methodist Mission and Paballo ya Batho was able to stop the city of Johannesburg from moving poor people out of the inner city.  The success of stopping this city decision is fantastic but there still needs to be systemic change in order to better meet the needs of the homeless population while empowering them to reclaim their position in the community.  By conducting assets mapping, best practice work, and program capacity measurement, insight may help develop future project decisions thus meeting the needs of the homeless community.   This is where the fear comes in…

I have taken on some pretty lofty goals in my life, but this one is probably the largest.  I moved to two major cities without knowing anyone, traveled for a year on absolutely no income, and most recently at the Clinton School, performed a legal needs assessment with three other students that is comparable to any other assessment performed in the rest of the country. I’m fearful though that I am not prepared with the correct tools as well as the sufficient knowledge needed going into this project.

This fear, even though difficult to process, is healthy.  We need fear in our lives because it establishes that there is something to lose.  Fear also forces us to identify our priorities in order to conquer what we are afraid of.  For me, this fear makes it an even larger reality that my life has changed its trajectory.

The fear of completely losing my old comfortable life and discovering more specifically why I was put on this planet is loud and tangible.

I acknowledge that this new path leads to new and undiscovered happenings but does not disconnect the amazing life I have already lived or separate me from the people I have met along the way.  Because of these people, I have been given the opportunity to keep changing my path.

As I have been managing my fear before this adventure, I have been taking inventory to all those people who inspire me with their conquests.  Of course there are my friends and family that are always overwhelmingly supportive, even when they want to scream at me and say, “Stay put!”  I also look at my classmates from the Clinton School who have already filtered into their places for the summer.  We are all taking on truly unbelievable projects and because of the growth the 48 of us have had together over the past ten months, I call them family.

Most of all though, I am inspired by my home, Wisconsin Dells, WI, where every year, thousands of international students come to work for the summer.  They often have no clue what they are getting into.  They come with limited money, no job, no housing; just hope and trust.  This pilgrimage has been happening for over fifteen years and many of the students have stayed and have created new lives.  Many are life long friends and I was fortunate to see them transform their lives, get married, have children and succeed.  Mariela, from Chile, moved to the Dells with $400 and lost $200 upon arriving.  She is now finishing her second degree, married to an amazing man and about to have a child.  My fear rests in the assurance that it will work out and what tools or knowledge I do not currently obtain will be provided when needed.  I will laugh at my fear, acknowledge it and befriend it….

I just won’t show it in public.  Cheers to fear when fear is appropriate!

**Here is a video created about the Wednesday night food distribution on my project.